Desmond 6 Months

Oh my poor sweet baby. It is 2am on a Wednesday and you are crying so hard my breasts are achingly full of milk. They want nothing more than to calm you. It's their biological imperative. We are, hopefully finally (or at least penultimately since we are going to Palm City for Christmas), sleep training you. The first time didn't work at all; you were too young. (I'm so sorry!) The second time worked but got interrupted when Dad had to be away for a business trip. So we waited the week or two until after Thanksgiving and here we are. We were planning on waiting until Friday, but holy crap last night was murder and I figure if we're going to be up anyway, we had might as well make it productive. My breasts will have to wait.

Some day you can tell your therapist that the reason you can't maintain a healthy relationship is because as a baby your mother withheld breast milk and let you cry. This is so hard to do I might be on a couch saying something very similar sometime soon.

Oh, Dr. Ferber, what a complicated relationship is ours.

The pictures are from your first Thanksgiving on St. George Island- or anywhere for that matter. You are changing so fast. When I look back at you a week ago (the day we left for the island) you seem like a completely different baby. Just today you decided it's time to start pulling up on things. I walked into your room to find you standing up in your crib, banging on the wall. Then you fell. I think that life from now until you master walking is going to be best chronicled as a series of falls of various severities. Maybe I'll get you a helmet.

You are so close to crawling right now I know you can just taste it. It kills me because you just got to the point where you sit well enough that I feel confident leaving you to play on the floor while I, I don't know, pee maybe? Now, even though you sit like a pro, every chance you get you do a face dive onto the carpet trying to get somewhere or something just out of reach. You will get it within the week, I guarantee it.

What are we in for? Every corner of this house is going to seem like a deathtrap.

You have four- one two three four- teeth! Ahhhh!!First of all, why do we not get all bottom or all top teeth first? It would save many nipples and fingers from serious pain, at least for a little while. This two on top, two on bottom shit hurts! I guess you need teeth on both jaws to start chewing, but man does that seem secondary to my having intact digits right now. Your top teeth are adorable, though. Two giants poking down from your baby gums with a big ol' gap between them (braces, anyone?).

Last week when Jen and Zach were visiting I was so distressed that you were irritable. Jen was the one who realized that you were in the middle of a monumental bout of teething, which made me feel like a fool. Within hours, it seemed, that last top front tooth had completely broken through. You are such a little champ.

I have to go soon. I have some serious staring off into space from exhaustion to do. When not blanking out, I will be fantasizing about that beautiful golden night when I get to sleep alone in bed for an entire night. (Well, not actually alone, but, you know, not frozen in an awkward position with my arm the only part of me that's asleep, afraid to move lest you stir.)

Old McDonald is your favorite song. Has been for months. You used to like Itsy Bitsy Spider and Pattycake, too, but those are old news to you now. You just can't get excited from the same hand gestures and silly lyrics that did it for you at three months. You needed something more mature, more suiting a six month old on the go. Let me tell you, you found it in Coldplay. You are completely and mysteriously a Coldplay baby. A little "Clocks" or "Lost" action calms you down immediately. And don't even get me started on how much you like "Viva La Vida" (I like that one, too- shh- apparently it's uncool to enjoy Coldplay).

Ok, my darling, I'm leaving you now. I love you, even while letting you cry. It's not easy, but I really do believe that ultimately it will be good for you. You will sleep better and be able to soothe yourself in times of stress and your parents will not be pulling their hair out with frustration but will instead be well-rested and playing with you.

I will now say that to myself over and over again.

Love,
Mom